Keeping your footing

The teaching

As the tradition of honest persuasion that begins with Aristotle teaches it.

The available means

Aristotle defines rhetoric as the faculty of observing, in any given case, the available means of persuasion, and he holds that the honest speaker needs the art most of all. Truth and justice are by nature stronger than their opposites, so when they lose, the fault lies with their advocates. One must be able to argue both sides of a question, not to practise both, for no one should make people believe what is wrong, but to see clearly what the facts are and to answer anyone who argues unfairly.

Persuasion by speech has three sources: the character of the speaker, the frame of mind of the hearer, and the argument itself. Each can be used honestly, and each is taught here in its honest form.

Character

We believe good people more fully and more readily than others, Aristotle says, and where certainty is impossible we believe them absolutely; a speaker's character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion they possess. He names three things that make a speaker trusted: good sense, good moral character and goodwill. A speaker can lack the first and say foolish things, lack the second and say what they do not believe, or lack the third and fail to advise the hearer well though they know better. The honest way to be persuasive is to know the matter, to say what one believes, and to want the good of the person one is speaking to.

Feeling

Our judgements are not the same when we are pleased and friendly as when we are pained and hostile. Aristotle studies the emotions one by one, anger and calm, friendship and enmity, fear and confidence, shame, kindness, pity, indignation, envy and emulation, asking of each what state of mind it is, toward whom it is felt, and on what grounds. The honest appeal to feeling shows the hearer what is truly at stake for them and for others. The dishonest one stirs a feeling that has nothing to do with the matter, and Aristotle himself complains of speakers who arouse prejudice, pity and anger in place of argument.

Reasoning

The third source is proof, real or apparent, in the words themselves. Rhetoric argues by example, which persuades from like cases, and by the enthymeme, which reasons from what the hearers already hold to be true and often leaves a step unsaid because they will supply it themselves. Aristotle calls enthymemes the substance of persuasion. The honest speaker starts where the listener stands and reasons from premises the listener can check.

The people and the problem

Roger Fisher and William Ury teach negotiation in four principles, and the first is to separate the people from the problem. Every negotiator is a person with feelings, perceptions and a need to save face, and every negotiation is also about a relationship. Deal with the people directly: put yourself in their place, let them let off steam, acknowledge their feelings, speak about yourself rather than about them, and listen with full attention. Then sit side by side, as it were, and attack the problem together.

Interests, not positions

The second principle is to focus on interests, not positions. A position is what someone says they want; an interest is why they want it. Two men in a library quarrel over a window, one wanting it open and the other shut. The librarian asks why, learns that one wants fresh air and the other no draught, and opens a window in the next room. Behind opposed positions there are often shared and compatible interests, and the question that finds them is simply: why?

Options and fair standards

The third principle is to invent options for mutual gain before deciding. Two sisters quarrel over an orange and split it in half; one eats the fruit and throws away the peel, while the other throws away the fruit and uses the peel in a cake. Had they asked, each could have had all she wanted. So invent first and judge later, and look for the options that cost one side little and give the other much.

The fourth is to insist on objective criteria: market value, precedent, expert opinion, what a court would decide, or a fair procedure such as one cutting and the other choosing. Yield to principle, not to pressure.

Knowing where you stop

Before any hard conversation, know your best alternative to a negotiated agreement, which Fisher and Ury call the BATNA: what you will do if no agreement is reached. It guards against accepting terms that should be refused and refusing terms that should be accepted, and the better it is, the stronger your position. The line drawn in advance is the other half of keeping one's footing: a person who knows where they will walk away cannot be pushed past it by urgency or a sense of obligation.

When the other side plays tricks

Fisher and Ury set out the tricky tactics: deliberate deception, such as false facts and doubtful authority; psychological warfare, such as stressful settings, personal attacks, the good and bad cop, and threats; and positional pressure, such as extreme or escalating demands, a refusal to negotiate, a hard-hearted partner, a calculated delay, and take it or leave it. Their answer comes in three steps: recognise the tactic, raise it openly, and question its legitimacy, so that the rules of the game themselves are negotiated.

When the other side attacks, do not attack back. Look behind their position for the interest, invite criticism of your own ideas, recast an attack on you as an attack on the problem, ask questions, and let silence do its work.

The power of attraction

Dale Carnegie taught that people are won by sincere interest: remember their names, listen and let them talk about themselves, speak to their interests, and make them feel important, and do it sincerely, because flattery that is not meant is seen through. Joseph Nye gave the large-scale form a name, soft power: getting others to want what you want through the attraction of your example, your values and your conduct, without force or payment. Both rest on the test that runs through this whole teaching: an honest method still works when the other person can see all of it.

When technique is not the answer

Honest influence assumes a partner who can say no and who will accept a no. Where plain requests are answered with punishment, or where saying no has become dangerous, the matter has left the field of persuasion altogether. The right step then is outside help: a trusted person, a specialist service, and, if there is danger, the police.